Bride Question of The Week: What Do I Do About My Mom Being Upset That My Parent's Names Aren't On My Wedding Invitations?

This week’s question is about a Mom feeling left out of her daughter's wedding invitations: 

"My fiance and I are paying for our wedding on our own, with no help from either of our parents. We ordered our invitations and when they came in, I showed them to my mom. She said they looked nice and were good quality. However, that evening, I received a long text from my Mom and Dad where my mom said she felt “hurt” and “not included” in the process of planning my wedding. This is not true - she went with me to try on wedding dresses, tasted cakes with me and my fiance, and helped me choose table settings and many other elements of my wedding. I tried to explain to her that I was including her in everything, but since we are paying for the wedding we didn’t think we needed to list our parents’ names on the invitations she is upset and said I don’t want her to be part of it. What should I do?"

-Erica 

It sounds like you have already done your best to include your mom in the wedding planning process, but she is still feeling left out. Here are some steps you can take to address the situation:

1. Reassure her: Let your mom know that you value her input and want her to be involved in the wedding planning process. You can explain that you didn't include your parents' names on the invitations because you are paying for the wedding yourselves, not because you don't want them to be part of it.

2. Offer to involve her in other ways: Consider ways you can involve your mom in the wedding planning process that don't involve the invitations. Maybe you can invite her to help with the wedding favors or the decorations, or you can ask for her input on the music selection.

3. Explain the financial situation: If your parents are not contributing financially to the wedding, it's important to explain this to them. You can be clear about the fact that you and your fiance are paying for the wedding yourselves, and that you want to have control over certain aspects of the planning.

4. Listen to her concerns: Hear out your mom's concerns and try to address them as best you can. Perhaps there are other ways you can include her in the wedding planning process or make her feel more involved.

5. Compromise if necessary: If your mom is still upset, consider compromising on the invitations. Maybe you can add a line that says "Together with our families" to acknowledge both sides of the family.

Remember to approach the situation with empathy and understanding, but also to stand your ground if necessary. It's important to strike a balance between respecting your parents' feelings and making decisions that feel true to you and your partner.

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